Relationship series part one...

I know, it has been a longtime. Many things have changed in my life since i last blogged. I've had a nagging ankle injury. I bought a new car. I'm getting closer to my doctorate. I've also learned new lesson about humanity and human relations. However, One of things I have realized about life is that love is specific. Many of us will be involved with someone and love them the best we know how. We offer emotional support, affection, and we even put in down in the bedroom. one would think that this would be enough to maintain a healthy, strong, lasting relationship. Those of us who are religious may even ground the partnership in a mutual relationship with a higher power and pray for his/her guidance, patience, and oversight moving forward. However, many of us will after a while feel that person withdraw (get your minds out of the gutter, I'm being serious here!) until they fade to black. We will be left confused. We will swim in an ocean of self-doubt,frustration and pity. We will hold out hope that our former partner comes to their senses. We will listen to our friends tell us that they never liked that person and point out instances that serve as evidence that that person is a bad human being. The first step to healing is using loneliness as an opportunity. Two of my heroes, Malcolm X (El Hajj Malik El-Shabazz) and Martin Luther King, Jr. both develop their ideologies and strategy while alone in prison and jails. One must use their alone time constructively and wisely. Next, we must be honest with ourselves. If we are not completely healed, do not pretend to be. If you were on a surgeon's table, you would not get up until you were clear that they had completed the procedure. You wouldn't not drive off the mechanic's lot until all of the repairs had been completed. Lastly, Love is specific. Maybe he is a jerk. Perhap she is the heartless, dragon-lady, ice-queen your friends say she is. Or maybe he/she is a decent person. The love you gave her/him may have been perfect, but it was not perfect for her/him. I believe love is more something you do than feel, but if for some reason you don't have that matching code in your souls, the other person will be unable to receive it in its entirity or appreciate it. Accept this fact and be confident that the person with your code is sitting home eating buckets of ice cream, listening to break up music and trying to heal so they will be prepared when they meet you. Hazmatic and I'm gone....