Making Moves...

So, I am a officially a doctor!  Who goes from copping on PH to a PhD?  Haysoos, that's who.  If I can do it, you can.  Now, I will talk a little bit about my limitations.  I have had to come to grips with this recently.  I am a bad dancer.  I mean bad.  Ever seen Elaine Bennis on Seinfield?  Yeah, have her smoke crack for a week and not come down.  Then, have Tanya Harding's new boyfriend hop out the bushes and hit her in the knee with a crow bar.  After that, we can have a dance off.  I am the only person on earth who has danced bachata and been mistaken for doing the "Humpty Dance". It may seem as though I have the Forrest Gump leg braces under my pants when I dance, but I promise you I don't.  I am thinking about handing out coupons for icy hot to women I dance salsa with.  I just had to confess that fact.  I do exactly what wack rappers do when people say they are not feeling them: I say it is 'my style'. Translation: I actually have no clue what I'm doing and despite several attempts at learning, I'm going to blame my mistakes on my partner.  Now having said that, dudes who are good Latin dancers, don't look down at me in the club.  You maybe a salsa rock star, but you still sit a your BS job that you hate and pays you 40 Grand, all day at your cubicle watching youtube videos of advanced salsa moves until your boss walks by and warns you to minimize it. Or you deliver packages in some little brown 1972 NBA booty shorts.  Or worse, you are a personal trainer and flirt with slightly overweight soccer moms for a living.  You are not an NFL all-pro or NBA allstar, my dude. My point is, we are all wack for something. So, when you see me in the club, give me dap, bro.  I'm going to Florida this summer so women in the salsa clubs be warned. Hazmatic and I'm gone...

Guess Who's Bizzack!

So, I'm back. I need to get back on the mic, but in the meantime, I thought I would write a blog post.  I have made some significant changes in my life.  I've done some inventory on the people in my life and quite honestly, some have done inventory on me. I've met some new friends that truly have my back and recommitted to some old ones.  Today, i was texting back and forth with an old friend.  Our relationship has changed, and i take a large portion of the responsibility for that. For quite sometime I have said one thing and done another, and she has neglected and ignore my feelings so we both bare some culpability (95% mine).  However, she had a 'life-changing experience' (notice the product placement. still available on itunes!) in a recent trip to Europe.  She was there for a noble reason, which is totally in-line with the amazing character she has.  In our text conversation (if you can call it that, it was pretty one way)  she described how she was lusted after by the men in this particular nation because she looked like a native, and these people view themselves as the most beautiful people on earth.  At that moment i got angry. I was not angry with her, or even jealous.  She is beautiful and deserves that attention.  However, it brought me back to my childhood.  I was brought back to watching my sister struggle with her identity and self-esteem, because she could not fit into the popular standard of beauty.  I watched as she would put t-shirts over her head and swing it around as if she had long hair when we played make believe.  I sat with her as she cried because kids at school called her names based on her skin color. I also saw her put chemical perms in her young daughter's hair that burned it out and permanently altered it.  I began to think about the fact that there is not a nation of brown or Black people on earth that thinks "we are the most beautiful people on earth".  That privilege has been robbed from Black and brown people.  I am certain some of you (yeah right, like anyone is reading this lol) are thinking that I shouldn't be angry, or that anger does no good.  You may be correct, but tell me the last time you and you community have been robbed and you didn't get angry?  Also, being robbed for material things is difficult, but imagine being robbed for you self-worth.  Imagine seeing your loved ones struggle and cry about the robbery.  Now, I ask you, as Tupac once eloquently stated "what would you do, if you were me?"  Marcus Garvey asked "where is the Black man's government"?  i would continue that line of questioning and ask, "where can Black folks, male and female, look at themselves in the mirror and around at other Black people and say "we are the most beautiful people on earth"?  I know some people say Black is beautiful.  This statement is often one of political defiance, which is important, but not actual belief.  If you disagree, you are denying the hold colonialism has on our collective psyche. Based on the fact that in this particular European country they throw bananas at Black soccer players and my cousin was approach several times as if she were a prostitute, I told this friend that I thought this nation was racist.  After several moments she responded "Everywhere is racist".

Good Luck Chuck

Let us skip the pleasantries and get right to the point. I have realized something about myself: I am Good Luck Chuck. I realized this when I was perusing through facebook (aka Satan) late one evening. I decided to look at the pages of many of the women that I have dated in recent years. All of them look amazing. They are thinner. They have traveled. They have seemingly found lasting and fulfilling love. They've gotten job promotions. At first I was proud of all of them individually. Then I started to put things together. Everyone's life takes a turn for the better after they date me. So, I've been thinking, perhaps I should charge and advertise for this service. I mean, who needs Weight Watchers? Just date Soos! (one woman I used to date told me she lost 12lbs after we stopped seeing one another) Want to date pro athletes and fashion models? Date Soos first! In a rut at a deadend job? Forget going to Lincoln Tech or the University of Phoenix. It's cheaper to... That's right, JUST DATE SOOS!!! Want overall happiness? Date Soos for a short period of time and it's in the cards, baby! the moral of the story ladies is, sleep with me and a guarantee good fortune. Who knows, your waist will probably shrink and your boobs will get bigger. Smash me for a year, you'll probably become a CEO somewhere. Believe me, I've got before and after photos to prove it. My success rate is damn near 100 percent. At first, I was discourage by the fact that everyone's live gets better after they know me, but I recognize that I am doing a community service. I am a martyr. No need to thank me. Hazmatic and I'm gone...

Ain't Never had a Friend like Me

I was just reminded that the holy month of Ramaddan is fast approaching. I am beginning to conceptualize it as a period of spiritual diet and exercise. One becomes increasingly more aware of what one feeds his/her mind and soul. Abstaining from harmful material is supplemented by a steady regimen of prayer and God-conscious fasting. I realize I have gotten spiritually flabby and need a strong return to the basic principles that are supposed to guide my life. The past year has been an interesting one. I am thankful that so many good people have entered my life, and am also equally grateful for the time I shared with the good people who have walked out of it. A conversation i had with a friend last night made me realize that i have been selfish. I have offered them only a percentage of me, then expressed my disappointment when the only recipricated a small percentage of themselves. I want to warn all of my friends against behaving this way. Sometimes the key is not about the amount of love you give, it is about letting your friends know that your are givin them the absolute maximum amount possible. It is like when you parents would be more proud when they saw you sacrifice and study hard to a pull off that B- in math, then they would be of all the A's you earned in English because it came naturally. the only thing harder than earning good grades in math for me is earning someone's trust, and the only thing more difficult than that is re-earning their trust. At the sametime, I want all my friends who maybe reading this to know that i have a distinct way and type of love for each and everyone of you. If i tried to give your love to another, it would not fit and would come across fake. My next piece of advice, is fear is a good emotion but one that should be kept within the confines of you personal relationship with a higher power. Fear is what keeps us from jumping off of cliffs with no parachute, or ghostriding your whip on the freeway. However, constantly expressing your fears makes people feel accused of causing them or makes you appear to be a coward. We've all survived trials, tribulation, and disappointment and it has shaped us into the people we are today. I am warning you all of these things because they are mistakes i have made at some point in my life. What we say is extremely important since it is how we communicate what is in our hearts. People desire to be close to a brave heart, not a scared one. If you heart is scared (or scarred) how will I able to lean on you when my heart is wounded?
If you are reading this piece, cherish your friendships. Relish in them. Travel to see them. Strengthen them. Rebuild them. Forgive them. Learn from them. Love them. Hazmatic and I'm gone...

Relationship series part one...

I know, it has been a longtime. Many things have changed in my life since i last blogged. I've had a nagging ankle injury. I bought a new car. I'm getting closer to my doctorate. I've also learned new lesson about humanity and human relations. However, One of things I have realized about life is that love is specific. Many of us will be involved with someone and love them the best we know how. We offer emotional support, affection, and we even put in down in the bedroom. one would think that this would be enough to maintain a healthy, strong, lasting relationship. Those of us who are religious may even ground the partnership in a mutual relationship with a higher power and pray for his/her guidance, patience, and oversight moving forward. However, many of us will after a while feel that person withdraw (get your minds out of the gutter, I'm being serious here!) until they fade to black. We will be left confused. We will swim in an ocean of self-doubt,frustration and pity. We will hold out hope that our former partner comes to their senses. We will listen to our friends tell us that they never liked that person and point out instances that serve as evidence that that person is a bad human being. The first step to healing is using loneliness as an opportunity. Two of my heroes, Malcolm X (El Hajj Malik El-Shabazz) and Martin Luther King, Jr. both develop their ideologies and strategy while alone in prison and jails. One must use their alone time constructively and wisely. Next, we must be honest with ourselves. If we are not completely healed, do not pretend to be. If you were on a surgeon's table, you would not get up until you were clear that they had completed the procedure. You wouldn't not drive off the mechanic's lot until all of the repairs had been completed. Lastly, Love is specific. Maybe he is a jerk. Perhap she is the heartless, dragon-lady, ice-queen your friends say she is. Or maybe he/she is a decent person. The love you gave her/him may have been perfect, but it was not perfect for her/him. I believe love is more something you do than feel, but if for some reason you don't have that matching code in your souls, the other person will be unable to receive it in its entirity or appreciate it. Accept this fact and be confident that the person with your code is sitting home eating buckets of ice cream, listening to break up music and trying to heal so they will be prepared when they meet you. Hazmatic and I'm gone....

Well, there is alot to talk about. First, I want to say a brief prayer. I pray that the soldiers who go to Afghanistan remain safe, along with the Afghan people, especial civilians. I pray that we move toward a society where everyone can afford healthcare benefits. Most of all i pray for our children. I was listening to a popualr Baltimore radio station earlier today. They were having a town hall meeting to address the youth violence that has plagued the streets of Baltimore and other cities nationwide. The meeting was held at an AME church called the Empowerment Temple, which is led by a charismatic young minister by the name of Jamal Bryant. During the meeting, a popular radio host stated "single mothers, you can be role models for your sons as well." I nodded my head in agreement as I sat in my car. He then said, "you need to start beating your children, that part of the problem. Noone beats their kids anymore." The other panelist laughingly agreed. i was stunned and horrified. One can easily point out the fact that I have no children, so it is easy and convenient to suggest how other people should raise their kids. However, I have been involved in the rearing of my three nephews and I have seen what works and what doesn't. Contrary to what this radio host stated, I believe that the reason for the violence in Baltimore is in part because many of these children are being beaten. They see violence in their homes and believe that it is the first means to solving a problem. If you do decide on corporal punishment for your children follow my grandfather's rule and never hit your children out of frustration or anger. At that point it does matter how hard or soft you hit him or her, it is abuse. Wait until you have calmed down before you administer the spanking. The first answer to youth violence may begin with hugging your children and telling them they are brilliant. I have always credited my father, with encouraging me to believe my potential was limitless. I recall him telling me often statements like "you are destined for greatness." I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement for children. I believe if you took two children of equal capacity for learning and achievement, and told one he/she was brilliant, beautiful, and that he/she is filled with potential and told the other they were stupid, ugly, and going to be a failure, 98 times out of 100, the former child would succeed in life. Maybe more importantly, the later child would almost always fail in some or all facets of life. Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey and many others have taught black people the love of self is paramount to success and self-determination. once we love ourselves we will be better equipped to love others. Those lessons must begin in the home. Our community also needs role models who truly stand for something. Kids, in their infinite skepticism, are better at sniffing out charletons than adults. Which brings me full circle back to Jamal Bryant. Our children are robbing one another and adults because they feel the pressure to keep up with a materialistic society. Jamal Bryant, a supposed man of God, bragged about driving a Bentley (while preaching and collecting tithes from some of the city and state's poorest citizens). Too many preachers forget that Jesus himself was never monetarily wealthy. Bryant had an affair and impregnated an underage girl, while his wife sat home nursing their 3 year old and one year old twins. He also has a 8 year old child whom he previously had very little to do with. I do think men of the cloth should be held to a high standard, and how can you criticize parents with such an horrendous track record? I really don't care that Tiger Woods was swinging his club on someone elses green. I would not criticize Pastor Bryant either, if he A) slept with women over the age of 18 and B) made like a Christmas gift and wrapped it up. To his credit he did say some good things (including how our need good role models lol). But he ended the session by stating the following: "we will end this meeting in 90 seconds... but we are still in a church, so I can not let the crowd leave without taking up an offering." Amen to the almighty dollar.

My Dreams

Ok, so I'm writing this from my work computer, which doesn't have the hiccups like my home computer. The grammar should be improved as a result. My album is coming in less than 24 hours. It feels strange. When the Wade Waters album dropped, I was excited and nervous. I lobbied everyone I knew personally to buy the record. Now, I am floating this piece of work out into the atmosphere. I don't even think my pops is going to buy it. I still believe God has a blessing in store for me. It's still exciting. Devin Jones is getting his start. DEllis is getting his official tribute. It is a way for me to tell people I care for them. The staff from Foundation for the People of Burma wrote me a touching letter and email. I responded that I was embarassed i could only send them a small amount of money. They reponded that that was not what mattered. It made me think that however this album does or how much it sells isn't the most important thing. It's how it effects the people it actually touches. I hope that some kid stumbles upon it, and stands tall for his/her friends, community, or someone he/she doesn't even know. I hope straight kids listen to this and want to stand tall for gay kids. That the next good leader of Burma is a young person whose community is being served by Foundation for the people of Burma. He may never hear the album or understand it, but would be affected by it indirectly. i pray that the first female president of the US is some intern on the hill who workes for the DC Rape Crisis Center hotlines in her sparetime. Again, she's probably got Drake in her iPod, but will be indirectly affected by the resources made available by the sales of this record.. I hope someone purchases the album in order to make my hopes, prayers, and dreams come true.